April 3rd, 2017
So, this is a very personal poem that I wrote about dealing with my feelings a little while back and I thought I’d share it with you guys. And please, if you ever feel this way, reach out! Reach out to your family, to friends, to a counselor. Just anyone you feel comfortable enough to talk to, in order to help you deal and sort out your feelings. It’s not easy, but it will definitely help you get through it. 🙂
When we first started hanging out,
You refused to give me your name.
You said you wanted to keep the mystery and mystique alive,
Because that was part of your appeal.
So I gave you cute little nicknames like “teen angst” and “raging hormones.”
We were only in the talking stages of our relationship though
And I wasn’t looking for anything serious.
After all, I had school and friends and a life.
I couldn’t be getting caught up in a serious commitment.
But you were charming and alluring, and when days got tough
I curled up next to you as you held me close, mistaking your burning shadow for comfort.
You understood me like no one else did, so I slowly gave in to you.
You would chat my ear off all night, until I didn’t even realize it was morning.
You’d take long showers with me, and make sure nobody could tell I was crying.
You protected me when my mother asked why I was falling behind in school.
You lied for me and told her that I was tired and just needed a few days to catch up.
You were more than my lover, you were my best friend.
You convinced me that Netflix was better than school,
Cause it lets you drown out your own insecurities while watching someone else’s.
You convinced me that my friends wouldn’t understand.
That you were the only one there for me, when no one would help.
But even when our relationship got serious.
Like at this point we were all exclusive and whatnot,
We still weren’t “official”. Didn’t let anyone know we were attached.
We decided it was best that way.
“Cause like why is it any of THEIR business, right?”
Well, I say we, but really I mean you convinced me that it was better this way.
And I believed you. Because I trusted you. Because I thought you could never let me down.
But you did.
I was falling and you wouldn’t give me a hand.
I was drowning and you held my head under the water.
I was crying and you bottled the tears for keepsakes.
I was dying and you handed me the noose already tied.
I was dying and you laughed at me.
I was dying and you got mad at me for waiting so long.
I was dying and you tried to kill me yourself.
So, I guess what I’m saying is thank you.
Thank you for showing me what living is not supposed to be like.
Thank you for tying those rocks around my ankles so I could learn how to cut them off myself.
Thank you for hurting me, so I could learn how to fight back.
Thank you for hating me, so I could learn how to love myself.
Thank you for killing me, so I could learn how to live.